Donkey Kong
Mario’s lady troubles didn’t start with the NES—oh no, he was dealing with random dudes stealing his women as early as 1981, when Donkey Kong decided to make off with Pauline. What’s worse is that the gorilla can’t even chill when he’s been caught, and you gotta vault over all sorts of crap he throws in your way! It’s a good thing he eventually abandoned his kidnapping ways. Too bad Bowser still hasn’t gotten the memo.
